Bao is looking for trouble.

I mean, Trouble. You know, the late Lorna Helmsley's Maltese who just inherited a $12 million trust fund.

Trouble is twelve years old, a bit older than Bao. But he doesn't care. He likes older women. And Trouble looks as if she's taken good care of herself. She dresses well. And she has a nice body, for her age. And of course, a $12 million trust fund.

I've tried to explain to Bao that he'll find it difficult to get his hot little paws on the actual money, but he insists it's not about money. It's about love. As soon as he saw her photo in the newspaper, he knew Trouble was the bitch for him. And he knows she'd go for him, too. There's nothing a girl likes better than a boy with all his bits.

I'm still not convinced. She bites, I told Bao.

Never mind. Bao says he likes a girl with a bit of spirit. (And a $12 million trust fund) And besides, she only bites people.

I've brought him down here to the beach in Mexico to try to take his mind off things, but all he does is lie on the couch and sulk. Trouble on his mind. $12 million dollars on his mind. Poor Bao!